July 11, 2011

Growing Pains

I'll be the first to admit, one of my greatest character flaws, if I am being truly honest, is selfishness. I really hate that about myself, because if you think about, it seems selfishness can be discovered at the root of every sin. It is a horrible trait, and can be a persons greatest downfall. Now, I know everyone is selfish to some degree. I also know that being a mother (and a good parent in general) is probably the quickest antidote to selfishness. But I still have my moments. It is something I've been way more aware of since I got married. It is also what I feel the Lord is trying to make me aware of  and release me from, the closer I draw toward Him.

Last night, we got home from a cookout at our friends house. It was Graham's bedtime, so we bathed him, dressed him, and I read him his Bible story while Chad rocked and fed him his bottle. After the story was read, I let Chad finish putting him down, like he does most nights (it's part of their daily bonding time) I went to straighten up the kitchen and our bedroom. Graham was worn out, so he went right to sleep, so Chad came out maybe 5 minutes later. He went straight to the couch and turned on the TV. I was in our bedroom folding and putting away clothes. A normal thing to do, right? Well, in my head I started to get a little irritated that he didn't come in and help me; he went straight to the couch. I didn't want to say anything to him though, because after all, he works 5 days a week and as a stay-at-home mom, I believe most of the household chores should fall on me. I was still irritated.

Maybe it was because most of the clothes were his. Maybe it's the fact that after work, he just lays his clothes he's worn on the bed, never putting them in the closet or hamper. He also leaves his shoes everywhere. all. the. time. Whatever the reason, I told myself to exercise selflessness. To put his clothes away with love and think about all he does for our family. Because he does a lot. He provides for our family financially. He is a loving, sweet, fun protective Daddy to our baby. He pays all the bills. He usually does the dishes when I cook at night (without asking!! I know, how can I complain, right?? Because I'm selfish!!) He always helps to make sure Graham has what he needs when we leave to go somewhere. He loves to spend time with us. He is a good friend. He loves me so much. The list could go on and on.

 I started thinking about how blessed I am as I hung up his shirts, and in walks Chad. He says "Babe, I can help with those!" Now I am feeling really guilty for my previous annoyance. I tell him "No! I've got it, no big deal!" And you know what? I meant it. He helped me anyway.

I have a long way to go with my selfishness and I'm sure I did 10 other selfish things before I went to bed that night. I suspect it will be a life-long personality trait that I will have to keep in check. But yesterday, I felt like I had made a little progress. It felt good. Just think, if everyone put everyone else first, we'd all have our needs met.

"Turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gain."

Proverbs 18:1


Jalei & Lane said...

I think everyone is like that. Some days are worse than others. I always heard that when you're annoyed with someone, you should serve them (which is what you were doing:))

Jamie said...

This is such a sweet post. I am so proud of you. That's the kind of attitude that makes happy marriages that last forever. You are very blessed that Chad helps you in so many ways but he is also blessed to have you. I can tell that you are really growing in your relationship with Christ and I am so proud of you for that. You can't go wrong if you focus on God. He will bless you in ways you can't even begin to imagine. Keep up the good work. I am proud to call you my daughter-in-law.
I love you,

kirby said...

You are one of the most thoughtful people I know, Brenden Pokorny! That is one of the things I love the most about you.
We're all selfish... it's natural to look out for number one first and I think your awareness of you selfishness is admirable. Next time I want to snap at Jerry for something like this, I'll remember your story :)
You are a beautiful person and I cannot wait to see you tomorrow!