April 10, 2012

Baby Blues

Ugh. That pretty much sums up how I feel lately. As I'm sitting here writing this, Graham is whining in his crib because he's been in there for about an hour and a half and still hasn't taken a nap, and I refuse to let him go all day without a nap. We went to my friend Traci's for a playdate this morning, and Graham passed out in the car on the way home. I put him straight to bed when we got in the house, but he had woken back up and hasn't fallen back asleep since... But Claire is asleep and I know if I get him up, he'll wake her up, and then I'll have to nurse her while he's climbing all over me. So, I'm praying he'll finally just fall asleep.

 At night they are both sleeping good, and I've been getting as much sleep as can be expected. Nursing has been an obstacle, though. If Claire's awake, she wants to be nursing. I'm feeding her on-demand and that translates into every 30 min  to every hour sometimes. Early, early this morning I swear I think I nursed her for over an hour on one side. We usually both fall back asleep during the night nursings. I was optimistic that nursing wouldn't be as painful the second time around, but I was wrong. It has been very painful. Her latch is good, but it hurts so freaking bad when she first latches on. I think my kids are "pirahna kids". They have a super vigrorous suck. Good for getting milk, not so good for me. I think I'm finally toughening up, though. I came down with mastitis on Friday but I caught it early so the anitibiotics have been doing their magic before it got bad.

Another thing is the house. It's fairly tidy, but I haven't been able to deep clean. I really need/ want to mop but I just don't have time. Ditto with vacuuming.  I think I'm going to buy a steam mop, I think I can mop in about 1/2 the time with one, and no dragging out the bucket and mop and cleaner every time. I also need to take my car to the car wash, and get it vacuumed. I hate having a dirty car.

Grocery shopping/cooking is another thing. I used to do my shopping on Monday's with Graham. Now Chad's been picking up odds and ends during the week and we've been doing the shopping together on the weekends. I just need to get back in the swing of cooking dinner. We've had so many sweet families from our church bring us dinner, so I've been spoiled. I can't think of anything to cook and I feel like we have none of my staples on hand, so it's hard to figure out dinner.

I really need to write thank-you notes for all the sweet gifts we recieved since we had Claire. During Graham's naps I do some laundry, nurse Claire and maybe try to get myself showered and dressed and then he's up again. I keep telling myself I'll do them when Chad is home, but at night all I want to do is spend a little time with Chad after Graham goes down and in between feedings and then I usually pass out on the couch nursing Claire.

I was telling Traci this morning, I just feel like everything annoys me right now. It's been hard adjusting to the fact that I can't do everything I used to do with just one kid. It was so nice carting Graham with me wherever I wanted to go. Shopping, grocery store, lunch, I could just take him with me. With two kids, everything is just more trouble than it's worth to get them both out the door and juggle them by myself, especially in between Claire's feedings. Another thing, is this girl spits up like nobody's business, just like her brother. I was hoping we'd dodge that bullet this time, but no such luck. I swear I change her 17 times a day. The laundry is ridiculous. I could do a load a day just with her clothes.

Speaking of clothes, I really need to do an inventory of my closet and clean it out. I feel like all I have are maternity clothes. I did try on a pair of pre-pregnancy jeans last night and could button them (yay!). I only have about 10ish pounds before I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight, but I really want to be about 10 pounds lighter than that. Since I gained so much less this pregnancy, I'm anxious to see what I'll weigh when I wean Claire.

Another thing, I feel like such a frump. My fingernails and toe nails need to be done so badly. I need my eyebrows waxed, and it's already getting hot enough to wear shorts but I'm so pale, I can't. I want my teeth bleached, I want a tan. I just want a make-over, haha. I'm only 25!  I should still be in the prime of my looking good years. Pretty depressing.

The funny thing is, even though this post probably sounds like I'm having a hard time, I really feel like I'm doing much better than after I had Graham. With Graham, I had a lot of new-mom anxiety. I feel a lot more relaxed this time. I know I'll be back to normal soon, once my hormones level out.

I guess I probably should have been cleaning, figuring out dinner or working on those thank-you notes intead of writing this blog post. At least Graham finally went to sleep, and now it's about time to nurse Claire again.

I know this post has been super whiny, so I'll leave you with some pictures of the three loves of my life, who make it all worth it. I know how lucky I am.


Blogging with the Bryan's said...

I totally feel you - went through all those emotions after Caden came in the picture as #2. I think it is a BIG change with two - it might not seem harder to be a mom but the task you need to do and everything else with two is hard. But I promise it gets so much better within 3-4 mths (it just clicks) and now I can do two kids no prob. I'm nervous about adding the third into the mix though in 6 weeks. Good luck sweetie - you are an awesome mom.

Thayn Family said...

Oh Bren... I feel your pain girl! Having a second baby is an adjustment! My only advise would be to SAVOR every second with that newborn girl! Pretty soon you will have a 10 month, talking, crawling, feisty baby and you will be wondering where the time has gone! As for your house chores, that is what friends are for! How bout I come over tomorrow night and vacuum/mop/tity up! I would love to help :) LMK! Love you lots and if you need ANYTHING, call me. xoxo

Jalei & Lane said...

Both times I had a kid I felt like I needed a complete makeover afterwards too! You just need a day to pamper yourself. I know that's tricky when you're breastfeeding, but maybe you can just set up appointments around her feeding schedule & do it all in one day. You'll feel better!

The Sweatman Family said...

Hang there and chin up :) These feelings happen to the best of us!! I totally lost it after #3...I was SO overwhelmed. But as quickly as those feelings came they also went away just as fast! It will get easier!