December 14, 2012

My Thoughts

I don't usually voice my opinion about matters like this here, but this time I thought it was important to do so. I want my children, who I imagine might one day read these posts, to know my heart when something like this happens.

I wanted to write this while the emotions were still fresh and raw. I heard about the shooting an hour or two ago, at most. I saw the tweets popping up on my twitter feed, then scrolled down to see the Fox News tweet. As more information was recieved, I began to digest the horrific details. Kindergarteners. It's just so unfathamonable. HOW could this possibly happen, and WHY are probably the first two reactions. Then comes the sickening, sinking feeling. The ache for the parents, siblings, families. The sheer anger. If you want to take yourself out of the world, fine!!! Why do you have to bring innocent people, STRANGERS, CHILDREN with you?!?! It's so completely unfair.

 I think of all the parents, who dressed their kids for school that morning. Much like I dressed my own children. Their thoughts possibly focused on the coming weekend, on Christmas break. All the things they needed and wanted to do. Not a single thought or glimpse into what the day would ultimately hold. How could they know? The children who possibly had doctor's appointments that morning, or stayed home sick from school. Or those in the classroom down the hall. How they were mercifully spared. The guilt, thankfulness and sheer relief those parents of the survivors must be feeling. It's all a jumbled, mixed-up array of emotions and worldless thoughts. None of it makes sense.

I held my children close. I kissed their precious faces. I did it for all the parents who will not have another chance to smell the sweet scent of their children's hair, wipe away another tear, tuck them into their warm bed at night, ever ever again. At least not in this life. What a nightmarish reality. How is it that we live in such a cruel, senseless world?

I had called my mom when I heard the news. Something my sister and I do frequently throughout the day anyway, but especially when something like this happens. I was asking her if the world has always been this horrible; was there a time when innocent kindergartners were off limits?? Is there anything sacred in this world?? We both were in shock, in near tears. She asked if I was alright, and I honestly wasn't sure.

Later, I stood at the kitchen sink, trying to process everything. Hoping for some comfort, an answer as to why these innocent children and teachers were murdered. A thought came to me, and I was comforted. It's not a new revelation, but I was reminded of it. This world is fallen. We (people) caused this fallen world by disobeying and not trusting in God, our Creator. Innocent people, and even children being murdered is nothing new in this world. God does not "allow" it, but being the Sovereign, loving God that He is, He will use it to ultimately bring everlasting peace on Earth. Yes, there is evil in this world. The world is so evil, that it murdered the only person to ever exist without sin in his heart. Jesus Christ. If the people of this world could murder the Son of God, it is no surprise that it could be capable of this kind of evil.

I take comfort in the fact, that despite our wickedness, Jesus died for us. He lives for us, too. This world is fallen, but Jesus has conquered the world. I wonder if Jesus grieves for those 20 children, even as he holds them in his arms?

The news calls shootings like this a "tragedy"  and I disagree. To me, a tragedy is an accident. An untimely event that in no way could be prevented. This was a well-strategized attack on defenseless, innocent children and teachers. It was a massacre. These teachers had no way to defend themselves or their students. Many people will say gun control is the answer, and I whole-heartedly disagree. We need to make future victims better able to defend themselves and other innocent people. If more people were armed, maybe these psychopaths would think twice before trying to take out dozens of people. These victims wouldn't be waiting helplessly for police to arrive before they could be stopped. These disturbed individuals are going to get their hands on a weapon if they want to, and gun laws won't be stopping them. It's already illegal to mass murder people. These people are not law-abiding citizens.

Something has been tugging at my heart for the past several months. Home schooling. I have really been feeling called to it. After this, it pretty much solidified it for us. Logically, I know that I can't bubble wrap my children, and stay couped up in our house forever. Mass school shootings are not the only thing that could take the lives of my kids. I know this. In fact, events of this nature is not what was really motivating me to go the home school  route, anyway. It's this world in general.

 Children should be sheltered to an extent, they deserve to have a childhood. School used to be a place where that could be possible. Not anymore. The values, beliefs, morals I want instilled in my children are not easily fostered in school. God is not allowed in those doors. It's a scary, scary world. I want my children armed with our morals and values etched in their sweet little hearts. I don't know if that is possible in our school system.

All I do know, is that I will be praying for the families of those 20 children, and the 6 adults that were so cruelly ripped away from their loved ones. I know God will send his comfort in many different ways. I pray that we will never have to see a headline like this again.

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